During my day, my kiddos are my world. Our activities revolve around their schedules and we do all sorts of ridiculous things around the house, like running laps around the 8 ft. circle rug in the living room while listening to “Home” by Philip Philips on repeat (every day.). I know these three boys in and out, not just because being their mom is my job, but because I’m interested in them; fascinated by them. I think it’s great when my 3 year old shows me that he can read his name or that my 20-month-old squeals with urgent excitement because there’s a pretend fire in his bed that he has to put out. My newborn laughs and coos now. My kids are just… the best, you know? Doesn’t every parent feel that way?
Holding on to my ferocious red head the other day, I squeezed him wondering what he’ll do in his life. Will he want to play t-ball or pee wee soccer? Will he be into robots or dinosaurs? I wonder if his personality will lend itself toward being the anchor or the sail – a grounded realist or a free spirit. My mind drifting to his brothers, I considered the same things with the hope that I would be able to witness it all – that they would want me to witness it all.
And that’s when I got it – that’s all my parents want with me. I’m an adult – grown and gone from my childhood home ‘neath their watchful, loving gaze – but I’m still their daughter. I have ambition, achievements, quirks, and behaviors I can credit to them and I bet they want to know about it all. I have kids they’d love to know better, whom I’d love to know them better. Too, what’s more important is now that I’ve crossed the child/adult line in the sand, I can relate to my parents on a deeper level and they are free to share the thoughts and insights that Katie the Little Girl wouldn’t have understood. I’m hooked on their life stories and interested in what they’re doing now with their work or projects for the house. The grown-up-child/parent connection has all sorts of potential of being the greatest friendship in a person’s life. In a typical situation, who would have more understanding of my thoughts, tendencies, and reasoning than the two people who instilled them in me? I don’t want to keep them at arm’s length; it took realizing that I don’t want my own kids to do so to conclude that my mom and dad probably wouldn’t appreciate it either.
I should clarify: I am in touch with family – just not as often as I feel I should be.
photo by SLV Native
I live far away from my parents. And maybe because they lived far away from their parents, I grew up always thinking that I’d leave my home state to see life under a different sky. There’s no denying that I’m happy where I am – we’re surrounded by good friends, Andrew’s wonderfully supportive family, and I love our sweet, pokey little house. Lately though, I’ve pined for home – for a big breeze of The Good Life and the refreshment carried on it. It’s not really about Nebraska, though. It’s about my family – my siblings and our parents – and a longing to be reunited with people so deeply like-minded that there’s a common camaraderie and understanding among us.
BUT. With a brother in Alaska, my sister in Nebraska near my folks, and me rockin’ the Loosiana Bible Belt, get-togethers are joys rarely experienced. And here’s the thing – I’m terrible about keeping in touch. It’s a personal defect in desperate need of mending because I want my family (especially my parents) to see and be involved in my life, as I want to be in theirs. I recently resolved to cast out this fault of mine and so I make a point to call my mom and dad often, to check in with my siblings, and send them photos of the boys. It’s awesome. Everyday conversations with them fortify me and I understand more and more that I need them.
I guess what I’m suggesting is a closer walk with the good folks who raised you. Give them a buzz even if you talked yesterday or 5 years ago. Or if they’ve passed away, pray for them and ask them to pray for you. Set hesitations aside if you have any, and relish in the God-given connection you have with these two particular souls, willed for the good of your soul.
Hey Katie, should I expect a call today? Just kidding. Very thought provoking. I think I’ll give my Dad a call.
Love,
Mom
This really hit home for me as a daughter it took me too long to realize my Mama needed to hear from me. She has passed now and I miss her and wish I could pick up the phone and call her. As a Mom with 3 grown kids I am feeling the way she must have felt with me waiting for a phone call.
Agreed! We thankfully live close to our parents and see them and talk with them often. They are our support in so many ways!
This is so sweet! I don’t talk to my fam as much as I should. I get so wrapped up in day to day stuff that it slips through the cracks ya know? I wonder which fiery red head you were talking about? 😉
Amy
Really, really, really goooood blog today, Katiekins!
My mom gets almost daily calls and skypes… mostly because she helps keep me sane (and I ask a LOT of advice from her)! I am not nearly as good at calling my Dad because by the time he’s home from work… so is Daniel! However; this really encourages me to send him an email or leave him a message during the day… I want both of my parents to be a part of our lives and know how much we want that. I really love that my husband is so good about calling his parents… I can only hope for the same from our babies someday!
Katie,
Loved your column today. Let me suggest a small project for you when you go home with your kids and visit your parents. Pretend it is 10-15 years from now and you have only a small window of time for you to talk to your mom and dad. What would you ask them, so your kids can know them better? Make a list of interesting questions. Video and interview them, while they hold your little ones, and repeat through the years. Your children will thank you for this recorded gift when they are older and can share it with their next generation. They will see on tape how they sounded, laughed, talked and answered your questions about life. My dad had been gone 13 years, a veteran of WWII and Korean Conflict. My kids are in their teens and I wish I had done the above to share with them! Just a thought. I often say to my kids, “What I would give to spend even 5 minutes with my dad!”…. How I miss him, his voice and laughter ….. He was the greatest daddy ever.
Thank you for taking the time to write! I know how crazy life can get with little ones. Every time I read your new blogs I find that we have a lot in common and I am always so enlightened by your thoughts and the advice you give.
We have 5 children. May I ask how many of you don’t practise artificial contraception as the Church requires? Just interested to know. It seems there are a lot of Catholic parents who feel that this rule doesn’t apply to them. On our way to sainthood and avoiding purgatory or worse, I feel this is a valid topic. I think it is important that we please God by choosing obedience to His Church over having a slightly easier life with less children:-)