It’s 4:00 AM and I just put Thomas back down from his “midnight bottle.” Seven-and-a-half months into my membership of the Two Two and Under Club, I’m still not completely accustomed to having divided attention or so little sleep. It’s all taken its toll, too, though most of the stress comes from myself and not from my precious new baby. There have been stretches of days and even weeks when I felt that I couldn’t do it anymore; that my multi-faceted role as wife/mother/home-manager/friend/volunteer/editor/writer/individual had me spread too thin to the point that I had little to contribute to any of aspect of my life. I felt that it was all just a wash and for the most part, I wanted to lock myself in our room to wait out the whining, laundry, and my own weakness. Breathing my mantra “This too shall pass,” offered little solace.
Waiting out weakness, it seems, only makes you weaker.
Granted, there have been occasions when buckling under pressure was legit – when I’m pleading for 5 minutes to get a shower or solitude in a separate room from my sweet boys; but, I have allowed my once strong constitution to atrophy because I haven’t maintained my spiritual life. Until recently, I was stupefied as to what the solution to my anguish could possibly be. I perceived no foreseeable end but told myself that I had to be self-sustaining and to just plow through until the boys are grown and dinner can make itself. I’ve spent so much energy trying to keep my spirits above water or clamoring around for a hand to pull me from drowning that I haven’t noticed the steady presence of the life preserver floating next to me. I will certainly, ably, and joyfully walk on water amid the storm if I only keep my eyes to the Lord. Praise God for revealing this to me so repeatedly!
There cannot be true peace without Christ. I happily resign to the truth that I can handle stresses neither great or small on my own, but only by the grace of Him who allowed these things to come to me. Trusting in God is one’s highest wisdom and deepest consolation.
Trust in God and hope that He will grant you every grace. Do not rely on yourself, but rather on the Lord… – St. Gerard Majella
It is always a joy to read your perspective on the moments of your life. Living life, loving every stage is a challenge as you know. There is always love (because God is love) within our reach. Do everything with love and feel His presence. He knows your heart. Serving others gives us great pleasure no matter the task when we remember we are serving Him. “I love Him by loving you. I serve Him by serving you. I know Him by knowing you.” (Fr. Emmerich) Love is in every moment of our day.
Oh, Katie…I really really needed to read this today. And probably everyday from now on!
We just love you, “Always smiling Katie” – even if you aren’t feeling so on top of your life, you choose to smile. I like that – it inspires me!
I am right there with you. Life has been so stretching lately…abundant but stretched on my end. I am so sorry you are having a hard time. Yes, this too shall pass. And we can always remember that our merciful and incredibly kind and wise God has a particular purpose for allowing all of the difficult people (even our kids:) and situations into our lives right now…even if those tough things last for a long season of our lives…
My friend Lucy gave me a great idea that she got from a book called “One Thousand Gifts.” She keeps a “Thankful for” list on her refrigerator and adds to it constantly with big and small things.
“Andrew slept in an hour this morning”
“Strawberries were on sale at Kroger and I made Randy his favorite dessert”
“My gardenias bloomed”
“I got to blog today”
“A friend called just when I needed it”
“My husband paid me a compliment this morning”
“The boys were better at mass this morning”
I have just started one and keep it on my fridge…maybe it’s an idea we can both try and catch up later and see how it works for us? 🙂
God bless you beautiful friend!!! 🙂