WoWW: Tunnel of Parenthood and George Bailey Syndrome

Andrew and I need encouragement in the Parenting Department. Maybe it’s not just being parents of a nearly-4, a 2-and-a-bit, and a nearly-1 year old, or the fact that they’re excitable BOYS; I think just functioning in general is draining us dry. No one cracks me up the way our fellas do and before they were born, I didn’t know so much happiness, but we’re just taxed. Our life looks great – I’m an at-home wife/writer, Andrew’s a heroic man who daily administers Truth to souls who thirst for it, and our kids are handsome and hilarious – so why aren’t we beside ourselves with peace and bliss? Simple. It’s because we’re sick. But our illnesses are a little more resilient than some stomach bug.

Walking around feeling confused as to why we’re not the Joyful Joneses, I took our symptoms to the Holy Physician, Who gave us two concrete diagnoses: Tunnel of Parenthood Syndrome and George Bailey Syndrome.

What a RELIEF! Sort of. I always feel relieved when I feel something I can’t put my finger on and then one day, there’s an answer! Because once you know what difficulty you’re facing, once it has a name, then you can tackle it and master it, no problem.

So here we are – Andrew and me – a couple afflicted by TPS and GBS. Fortunate for us, and the rest of you TSP/GBSers, there’s a cure. A few of them, actually.

Don’t miss these real posts. And if you’re no longer a parent of Very Little Ones, pass this along to someone who is.

 

1) “The Tunnel of Parenthood” by Emily Sederstrand
“…I had braced myself for some sort of motherhood fish story, the kind of rivalry that a soon-to-be-mother-of-ten could handily win every time… like, “Oh that’s nothing! You should walk a day in my shoes,” …[b]ut that’s not the treatment Joan gave me. It was just…sympathy. Real, heartfelt sympathy from a more experienced mom to a newer one…It was as if a huge weight was lifted from me, and I was filled with hope. “It’s going to get better? Really?” I didn’t know it at the time, but Tom and I were in the “Tunnel of Parenthood: The First Five Years.” …

It’s not the mere fact of having children under the age of five in the home that makes it the Tunnel; it’s going through the parenting of children under five for the first time….More than that, in the first few years, parents are “on duty” all the time in a very physical way. It can be plain exhausting when the little ones are getting all of their needs met by Mom and Dad, and those needs are immediate and primal. Feed me! Change my diaper! Hold me! Play with me! …I remember when the mere act of strapping three young kids into their car seats was like an athletic event. Parenting in the Tunnel requires a very bodily sacrifice from Mom and Dad.

While new parenthood is certainly joyful and miraculous, the years in the Tunnel can also be frightening, overwhelming and anxiety-producing. I have known many parents with two young children who say with conviction, “We couldn’t possibly have a third!” They often are working under the assumption that adding another baby would exponentially increase their current burdens, and they predict (incorrectly) that those burdens are permanent and unchanging. (Read her whole wisdom here.)

 

2) The George Bailey Syndrome: Why Parents Get Discouraged and How They Can Find Joy by Dr. Taylor Marshall

“[M]y temptation is to turn inward, become gloomy, and become agitated with my wife and children. It’s horrible. I regret it. Even more I repent of it.

When [we] were having baby number 5 (for me this was 2009), I had coffee with a Catholic man I respected. Tom Spence. He has 10 children. He’s amazing. After talking to him I left Starbucks that day with two lessons:

1) I must cultivate a deep interior life of prayer, penance, spiritual reading. It has to become deep like the Grand Canyon.

2) I need to be intentional with my life: sleep, fitness, marriage, emotional life, etc.

…

Look, if you don’t set up intentions or goals, life will happen and it will stretch you so that you snap. You must plan. We cannot foresee everything. I still get blind-sided. But life is too short and my family is too precious to get knocked down and stay down.

If you are discouraged and knocked down. Don’t worry. Don’t feel lost. God is with you. Emmanuel. He will help you even if no one else will. Draw close to Him. If you really need encouragement, please read these 12 attributes that God has given you in Christ.

And guys. Find your vigor and swagger again. Write a note to your wife. Go home and give her a big kiss in front of the kids. Let her know (and the kids know) that you love her and them and that you are the hero of their home.” (read his whole wisdom here)