The WE in TEAM

After Andrew’s and my refreshing retreat last week, we felt empowered to come back together as a team restrengthened by our faith, resurrected prayer lives, and excited hope for the future of our marriage. So often married people fall into seeing each other as opponents instead of teammates and I was so sick of that feeling; that terrible thought that Andrew’s plans and desires for happiness somehow stood in the way of my own. I prayed so many times over that we would be new and improved supports for each other and that our sense of teamwork would be sustained.

Careful what you wish pray for…

Rejuvenated by our experience and wide-eyed with eagerness to press on with what felt was our NEW married/family life, we picked up our little guys from my in-laws’ house and after catching up with them for a bit, my mother-in-law warned me that our 14-month-old was teething. “Oh I feel sorry for you,” she said sympathetically, but to be honest, it didn’t occur to me that teething with him would be a challenge. The rest of his teeth came in OK without more fuss than what he already made, so the caution went unconsidered for about a day.

But that was it – a day.

I think I’ve mentioned before that our Little Man #2 is, shall we say, passionate. Whatever sensation or emotion he has takes over his whole mind and tiny bod, leaving the rest of the world subject to his declarations and pronouncements. His giggles resonate throughout the house and his squeals and huge, beaming grins are a real experience. At the same time, his shrill screams can be heard from within a closed vehicle outside the house; and once he pop, he don’t stop.

It was because of his teething that he resumed the nighttime slumber of a newborn, leaving both Andrew and me exasperated and overwhelmed with frustration, fatigue, and of course sympathy for our little boy (ourselves, too). The week was full of hideously late nights taking turns soothing and medicating, and the days were an equally ugly reflection of toddler-induced insomnia. Truly, the dawn from it all broke at the smallest hours Sunday morn, when we the exhausted couple sloughed ourselves onto the couch to wait out what we hoped was our little guy just making noise in his sleep.

Andrew and I bemoaned how tough it was to be called out of bed 4-5 times per night, even taking turns, and what continued as a discussion of how tough it can be with our 14-month-old, developed into how we can better work with him as his parents; what his needs are, how he communicates, how we respond, etc. In short, I feel like I know how to parent our 2 1/2 year old, but when it comes to our sweet teether, I can be insecure and feel a little lost. Andrew and I talked, addressing each other’s concerns and providing insight. We slept on our conclusions and woke with joint determination to follow through with our new resolutions. We worked alongside each other – not just with our boys, but with the house and food preparation, too – and it all yielded awesome results yesterday. Not only was our little man happier, but so were we. Everyone was. The house was neater and life ran more smoothly.

Ask God to for patience and he provides opportunities for you to grow in patience. Ask God to make you and your spouse a team and he just might throw a curve ball your way to see how you adjust. When I prayed for Andrew and me to improve our sense of working together, I suppose I thought we’d wake up one morning and all would be sunshine and rainbows; but how would that require a joint effort from us? Not only are we working alongside each other more and communicating more clearly, but we’ve figured out how to be better parents to our boys.

God’s plan is infinitely better than mine.