Kids or no kids – we’re all spiritual mothers

I was 22 when people started wishing me a happy Mother’s Day, which was crazy to me. Just a month shy of my wedding and two years away from having our firstborn, I laughed over the whole thing with my friends who received similar salutations from total strangers. We figured they were erring to presume we were moms so they could sweetly bid us well for the occasion; I mean, why else would they wish a bunch of clearly childless college girls a happy Mother’s Day? What I failed to consider then was that my own call to motherhood wasn’t going to wait the two years until I started having children. It was a prompting in my soul to be answered right then – not as a biological mother, but a spiritual mother. And I should have accepted “Happy Mother’s Day” as a holy challenge instead of as a kind quirk. 

The call to motherhood is universal among women. It doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, with or without kids, a housewife or professional; we each possess the innate gift to nurture, which is the defining characteristic of being a mother. Think about it – we teach, we care for the sick and friends in need, we have an undeniable softness to our nature; all of which are founded on the inclination to cultivate love in others by showing love ourselves. Taking this gift beyond its basic implication of encouraging growth or development, Catholic women especially have the ability to foster holiness both in themselves and in others, which St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross called “spiritual maternity.” The whole object of spiritual maternity is to grow in holiness by performing our day-to-day actions out of love for God over our own gratification. Of course, how to go about this varies per situation, but it could be doing chores and other tasks cheerfully instead of begrudgingly, offering a patient ear to the woebegone, being a firm witness of the Catholic faith when there is no one else, or being totally present without distraction to loved ones.

Me, my sister Jen, and my sister-in-law Erin: mothers to babies and each other | photo by Sarah Schinstock

And if you’re still at a loss as to how to approach this relatively new idea, look no further than the thousands of success stories brought to you straight from Heaven. One of the greatest gifts we’ve received as spiritual mothers is the example of countless women saints who constantly accepted God’s grace to do his will – St. Therese of Lisieux in her small acts of love, St. Elizabeth of Hungary and her devotion to the poor, St. Monica and her unrelenting prayers for her abusive, pagan husband and lascivious son, and St. Elizabeth Ann Seton and her dedication to Catholic education. What gives me the most hope of their situations is knowing that none of them were perfect. Not a single one. Each woman had her own crosses to bear, temptations to deny, and doubt when it came to trying to do God’s will; and that is something I can completely identify with. If they overcame all of this by the grace of God, these normal, faithful women, then why not me? Reading the stories of these saints encourages my feeble soul and instructs me in the way to go – humbly and happily.

Of course, I would be completely remiss if I failed to mention the highest among these amazing saints is the Blessed Virgin Mary – the very embodiment of both biological and spiritual maternity. Set apart among women, Mary always points her children to obey Christ and to humbly and eagerly participate in God’s will. Prime examples of Mary’s spiritual maternity are her instructions to “do whatever [Jesus] tells you” in the Gospel of John and her obedience in being a “handmaid of the Lord” in Luke at the Annunciation of Christ. In Mary lies the very mission of spiritual maternity as beautifully and simply described by Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI: “Mary’s greatness consists in the fact that she wants to magnify God and not herself.” A good spiritual mother imitates Mary like this and she pours herself out adoring God in serving others and unselfish love for God’s perfect will. 

me with my mom Mary and  Jen – both have taken care of me my whole life in all sorts of ways! | photo by Sarah Schinstock

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Original edition published for the Catholic Connection.