#RespectLife means your kids too

I was in the carpool line at my boys’ preschool to pick up my oldest two. Without fail, my three-year-old gets 150% excited every time I arrive. “MAMA!!! I’m so glad to see you!!” he squealed with a tiny, tight hug as I buckled him and his big brother hurriedly, knowing the line was waiting on us. A teacher was helping me load them both and she laughed, “Isn’t it great to be such a rock star all the time?” I chuckled, playfully gesturing at my van full of three little boys and belly full of baby saying, “Sometimes I wish I weren’t so popular!” More laughing from both of us, then the fellas and I were on our way.

It was a joke. A harmless joke. The teacher knew I was kidding, too. Still, I felt a slight sting on the drive home because the facts are that A) I was kidding about my kids being a burden B) in front of my kids, who, though they be little, are sharp and perceptive.

Honestly, I’ve noticed comments like this becoming a touch more frequent lately and I wonder at their effect not just on our family, but within myself as a mother.

Andrew and I have been married for just over 6 years and we’re four kids deep into wedded bliss. They’re work. They fight and they whine like pros. They have needs at inconvenient times and they wear me out; but they’re not the sum of my exhaustion or burdens to bemoan. Each little one is a huge gift – a unique soul God intentionally gave specifically for us to entrust back to Him and to love as members of our particular family. The crosses of parenthood are painful aspects of a much greater blessing; but in the emotional strain of my vocation, I think I’ve convinced myself that my lot gives me the right to complain, even if complaint is veiled as a joke.

Taking a good look at general parenthood, it’s hard. But we know that. Whether parents have one or ten at ages 2 or 20, raising kids is a harrowing task that consumes body and soul. The position itself demands respect, but then so does the child overhearing my comments. There’s a fine line between making a playful jab at the trials of motherhood and belittling the children who seek shelter in our relationship. Sarcastic remarks are often red flags to discontentment; in such instances, it’s more fruitful to identify struggles and seek to overcome them rather than cultivate bitterness within ourselves. I certainly don’t want to consider my children as burdens, no more than they want to be regarded as such.

So was it a big deal? That 2-second exchange with the teacher? No – probably not; but what I’d like to change is how I speak of my children in and out of their company. Even if this one slipped past them, they’ll reach a point when they’ll infer what they will from my sarcasm; which, though lighthearted, may cause true pain. And even when my kids aren’t around, I want my speech to be charitable without a hint of irony, so I can cultivate love and respect for them within myself and maybe, by a good example, in others as well.