I found this classic from the archives just last night.
I delight in thinking and writing; and for this reason I began my blog to simply record my thoughts and process my countless reconversions to Christ that, especially now, are so good for me to encounter again.
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Posted 22 Nov. 2010
It’s 9:30 the night before our Thanksgiving trip and I’m the only one awake. Andrew is fighting off a doozy of a cold and the baby has been asleep for a couple of hours by now; so here I sit in my own little vigil, eyeing a basket of whites to be folded, pining for the last few pages of Jane Eyre, and making a mental check list of snacks for the road.
Before any and all trips, I focus on cleaning the house. There is such stress-free bliss in returning to a living room that needs no attention other than me stretching across the couch; a kitchen holding all sparkling dishes in the cabinets, and best of all, a bed already made and beckoning me to rest. Traveling is stressful enough – who wants to arrive home to even more?
Though the pleasures of returning to a tidy living space are delightfully void of immediate duty, the pressure I used to apply to myself (I’m ashamed to admit to Andrew as well) to have the house immaculate before travel was extreme. Even if we were going just for a couple of days, my irrational fixation would convince me that a later departure time was necessary or maybe we should just scrap the trip altogether. Add this to the tasks of packing and loading the car to make a wreck of a wife whose husband just wanted to have a getaway weekend.
I look back on my former self and can’t help shaking my head at her – life is too short for such fits and fussing. I’m thankful for God’s grace and my husband’s patience, the two things that steadily break me of my fretting and further my efforts to do away with my perfectionism.
Perfectionism is a dangerous thing, yet we who participate in it are delighted to do so! I love cleaning, but when it gets to the point that it’s no longer pleasant and it becomes more of a preoccupation, I have to check myself. I had a neighbor in high school who was constantly caring for his yard – blow, mow, edge, repeat – it seemed that his lawn couldn’t be perfect enough. Once acquainted with the family and having the opportunity to see inside their home, I found that this man’s need to have everything “just so” wasn’t limited to the grass and his son attested to the man’s incessant busyness. I couldn’t calculate the hours he spent outside perfecting his yard upon the time he must have spent inside as well. Here’s the kicker though: while his home was beautiful inside and out, it was apparent that he wasn’t a happy person. Now, perhaps his discontentment led him to pursue having the perfect property, and perhaps there was much more to the story than my limited view; but the point is that perfectionism is never successful. The very idea is self-refuting because it can never be achieved and therefore cannot make anyone happy. There is always one more thing to clean before the house is just right or one more leaf on the yard. Perfectionism is expressed in all sorts of ways, whether a person obsesses over an activity (athletics, cleaning) or people (trying to fix the problems of others or make decisions for them). It’s harmful not only because we lose precious time washing the car in the rain, but also because we tend to find fault in others or even cirumstances much more quickly and can then fall into bitterness. (For more on this, read about Mary and Martha!)
In reflecting on the countless occasions my perfectionism has gotten the best of me, I wonder at the time I spent focusing on what could not be achieved while I could have put my effort toward having high quality time with family or friends. Or maybe even relaxing! Lately, I’ve been recalling John 10:10: “I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” A full, robust, quality life is one concerned with loving God and being with others; taking things slowly instead of fretting over nothing. Dearest Lord help me remember this over the holidays!
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Take it easy this year. Simplify. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
feature photo by sarahgb(theoriginal)
