It’s 9:30 the night before our trip to Omaha and I’m the only one awake. Andrew is fighting off a doozy of a cold and Liam has been asleep for a couple of hours by now; so here I sit in my own little vigil, eyeing a basket of whites to be folded, pining for the last few pages of Jane Eyre, and making a mental check list of snacks for the road.
Before any and all trips, I focus on cleaning the house. There is such delight in returning to a living room that needs no attention other than you stretching across the couch; a kitchen holding all sparkling dishes in the cabinets, and best of all, a bed already made and beckoning you to rest from the excursion. Traveling is stressful enough – who wants to arrive home to even more of it?
Though the pleasures of returning to a tidy living space are perfectly void of immediate duty, the pressure I used to apply to myself (I’m ashamed to admit, to Andrew as well) to have the house immaculate before travel was extreme. Even if we were going just for a couple of days, my irrational fixation would convince me that a later departure time was necessary or maybe we should just scrap the trip altogether. Add this to the tasks of packing and loading the car to make a wreck of a wife whose husband just wanted to have a getaway weekend. I look back on my former self and can’t help shaking my head at her – life is too short for such fits and fussing.
I’m thankful for God’s grace and my husband’s patience, the two things that steadily broke me of my fretting and furthered my efforts to do away with my perfectionism. Perfectionism is a dangerous thing, yet we who participate in it are delighted to do so! I love cleaning, but when it gets to the point that it’s no longer pleasant and it becomes an obsession, I have to check myself. I had a neighbor in high school who was constantly caring for his yard – blow, mow, edge, repeat – it seemed that his lawn couldn’t be perfect enough. Once acquainted with his family and having the opportunity to see inside his house, I found that this man’s need to have everything “just so” wasn’t limited to the grass. I couldn’t calculate the hours he spent outside perfecting his yard upon the time he must have spent inside as well. Here’s the kicker though: while his home was beautiful inside and out, it was apparent that he wasn’t a happy person. Now, perhaps his discontentment led him to pursue having the perfect property, but the point is that perfectionism is never successful. The very idea is self-refuting because it can never be achieved and therefore cannot make you happy; there is always one more thing to clean before the house is just right or one more leaf on the yard. Perfectionism is expressed in all sorts of ways, whether a person obsesses over an activity (athletics, cleaning) or people (trying to fix everyone else’s problems). It’s harmful not only because you can lose precious time washing your car in the rain, but also because you tend to find fault in others much more quickly and can then fall into bitterness. For more on this, read about Mary and Martha!
In reflecting on the countless occasions my perfectionism has gotten the best of me, I wonder at the time I spent focusing on what could not be achieved while I could have put my effort toward having high quality time with family or friends. Or maybe even relaxing! Lately, I’ve been recalling John 10:10: “I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” A full, robust, quality life is one concerned with loving God and being with others; taking things slowly instead of fretting over nothing. Dearest Lord help me remember this over the holidays!
Weekly Snapshot:
- The view from my window has suddenly brightened over the past couple of weeks! The Chaplet & Chat Moms group met last week and we had a great time. I’ve also been spending a lot more time with friends and making a point to leave the house more often with Liam, even if it’s just a quick trip out.
- There is nothing like the joy of two babies sleeping, a mug of honeyed tea in-hand, and a Very Thick Book to devour on a dreary November afternoon.
- HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Today we embark on a journey to Nebraska! Oh Nebraska – where your highs are in the 40s and you sweeten my soul with promises of snow!
