I finally figured it out. My job, my role in marriage – what I’m supposed to do and be “til death do us part.”
First, I’ll preface: I understand that God chose Andrew and me as vocations for each other to glorify Him together in the Sacrament of Marriage for the rest of our lives.
That being said, there’s no denying that life is full of distractions. We have three little boys, a house, blogs, work, fatigue, hobbies, and duties whirling around us so fiercely that it’s tempting to base my role in marriage on one or all of them; for example I might think that my job as a wife is to be a good mom or a good cook/housekeeper, a diligent columnist, or a strong individual.
But that’s not totally accurate.
While these things are included in the daily experience of my vocation, they’re not at the heart of my job description as a wife. Because God chose me specifically to be Andrew’s vocation, it is my task to be a conduit of God’s love for Andrew and vice versa. Simply put, God loves us through the people in our lives, and most especially our spouses. God wants to use ME to convey His love to Andrew and it’s my task to let Him. Knowing this has totally altered my self-perception: I have to consider that my moods, thoughts, words, and actions affect how well I’m allowing God to work through me to love my husband and fulfill my vocation. I know that marriage is a call to serve God through serving spouse, but really grasping the kind of service I’m supposed to do has made it all more real. If God will show Andrew tenderness in the day, it will likely come through me and similarly, God will show His mercy and strength to me through Andrew.
Though we won’t be the only people God uses to convey Himself day in and out, we are the primary ones chosen to do so as long as we both shall live. And if we’re going about it all the right way, then to draw closer to each other will be a way for us to draw closer to God Himself.
Admittedly, this is a pretty tall order. The only way I know I’ll succeed is if I maintain my relationship with God through daily prayer, through frequenting the Sacraments of Eucharist and Reconciliation, thereby encountering His love as an individual so I can bring it in my marriage. And if I remain steadfast in my closeness with Andrew, then it comes full circle. Maintain my relationship with God lets me bring that love to Andrew, who brings God’s love to me, which helps me maintain my relationship with God.
And if I do THAT, then Andrew and I will stand firm as the eye of the hurricane amid the millions of distractions because we’ll remain focused on God, focused on each other, and focused on the presence of God in each other.
Anyway, just a thought.
I really appreciated this one, Katie….the balance is the hard part. It’s so tempting to write too much or clean too much, etc. Now that I have three teens, the balance of how my duties are distributed is changing. I have to learn again how to effectively live out my vocation. Staying focused on God’s leading in each moment is so essential. At times, he asks us simply to sit and rest, or to explore an activity that truly interests us. I’ve seen some people give up hobbies altogether as they reach their middle years, but thinking about John Paul II has helped me remember…even he kayaked, camped, etc. He took time off to refresh himself. The other day I wrote my first poem in a while and it had me smiling all day. My 13-year-old even said, “Mom, you’re so happy!” http://finerfields.blogspot.com/2013/06/finding-friendship-across-globe.html Here’s to enriching our spouse’s and children’s lives through praying them to heaven…and also sharing our talents and hobbies with them as they explore theirs, so we can all grow together…
Yes!
As Marianna said, balance, but moreso, just live! Live in the moment God gives you, it will never be repeated! And LOVE in the moment God gives you with each person who comes into your lives! It is simple, but just like you said you are a conduit. Attitudes, Actions, Thoughts and Intentions, just keep inviting the Holy Spirit and keep your eyes on Jesus! Life keeps moving forward.
Do you have any suggestions as to books on how to become a better wife. I do everything necessary around the house, I work outside the home as well, but I know that I don’t have a good relationship with my husband. We disagree on almost everything. I try not to discuss subjests that we can’t agree on but that takes away most subjects from our conversations. He also likes to monopolize the conversation and I can’t get a word in when i try to speak.
http://www.adhdmarriage.com/ Helped us, might help you. God bless.
I can’t believe how simple who made it.
That’s how I know it’s of God. Thank you.
Theresa, Sometimes a marriage can be very difficult and painful due to a husband’s control tendencies. Books by Patricia Evans may be an invaluable resource to you, as she has an excellent grasp of this problem. Let God give you strength. Stay close to the Sacraments, frequent Eucharistic Adoration and know that you are not alone. God bless you and your marriage.
Thank you for your suggestions and encouragement, Mary!
Katie,
This is very well written!
I have found this to be true for my relationship with my husband/God. And when that “triangle relationship” is in line, then everything else seems to fall in line, too. Blessings!
I love this!
Well, said. … and a good reminder after 27 years of marriage! Thanks!
Nicely said. Having tried to base a marriage totally on human love at one time, I can say that futile effort is actually the “tall order” because merely human love fails. Being a conduit for God’s love is actually the easier (and probably only) way to have a happy, lasting marriage.
Very timely- I always look forward to your insights. Indeed a WoW moment!
Jesus’ command to die to self, pick up our cross and follow Him, is very much in keeping with married life.
Like many married couples with work, kids and a myriad of other committments, it is hard to find balance. Lately I have been battling for some time now about how my husband’s work committments and needs seem to override my own. This has led to resentment and arguments. Sound familiar?
I would visit my Mum and she would always say that it is my duty to place my own needs after that of my husband and family. Understandably this did not make me feel any better.
I now realise , through your blog, that by my obedience and sacrifice to my husband, I am “denying self, picking up my cross and following Jesus”. Your blog reminds me that by doing it for my husband, I am doing it for the Lord too. Sounds silly, but it makes the cross that much easier to bear when you know you are showing love and fidelity to your God when you have to clear your work schedule (with deadlines everywhere, of course), to give my time to God, through my husband and family.Put like that, I am not sure why I was complaining so much before.
Don’t forget we have a special vocation as nuturer’s of God’s children too.
Thanks again – God’s blessings to all mothers.
Great post!