Humble Pie CHALLENGE Part 1

I hope I get to Heaven. I especially hope that my marriage ultimately furthers my endeavors by way of Andrew drawing me closer to Christ and holiness (so far, so good!). I married Andrew because of who he is and I wanted to contribute to his happiness. I didn’t marry him solely because of what he could do for me (I did perceive that he could help me become a better person). Marriage, as well as life on a grander scale, is about service to others. I have it from experience that when I’m focused on others, I’m happy. When I choose to fix my thoughts on myself, serve only myself, fret over what I want, I’m a poor, miserable soul. (If only I could have this clarity of thought all the time!) It’s also good to treat myself to doing activities that I enjoy because these refreshments add a spark to my day and a bounce in my step, making me a more pleasant addition to our family. This being said, I have addressed each item of Mother Teresa’s steps toward humility in light of being lay, being a wife, and being a mother.

When I gave the list to my spiritual director, he suggested that I rewrite them; not to correct Mother Teresa by any means, but to adjust the list more specifically to suit my situation – married laity. In some cases, it’s easier to describe what the item does NOT imply, rather than its direct meaning. Below is part 1 of my efforts, numbers 1-8. I don’t consider my thoughts to be at all exhaustive:

1. Speak as little as possible about yourself. I need to make sure I’m giving Andrew the time of day, so to speak. Make sure he has the opportunity to talk about himself – things going on at work, thoughts on life, preferences, etc. I shouldn’t hog our “how-was-your-day” time.

2. Keep busy with your own affairs and not those of others. Mind your own business 🙂 In application to us, we should discuss what we can better in our own relationship rather than dwelling on the short-comings or successes of other marriages (that is, committing the sins of pride or envy toward other marriages; it’s perfectly acceptable to admire the strengths in other relationships or to learn valuable lessons from mistakes made in others)

3. Avoid curiosity. This one is a bit difficult, but in my so-far limited understanding, I think it encourages a person to keep focus on what is good only. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)

4. Do not interfere in the affairs of others. It is my task to attend to my own family matters, not to stick my nose into the affairs of others. If a person should seek my advice, I can give it and leave things at that, but I shouldn’t meddle in others’ problems.

5. Accept small irritations with good humor. I can’t remember which of my sister’s friends it is who used to dread making coffee for her husband in the morning. It was just one of those things. She added a bit of perspective to little pet peeves (picking up dirty socks, sweeping up tracked-in mud, etc.) by saying, “Someday, he won’t be here for me to make coffee for him.” Life is short – why fuss over something so insignificant when you could spend that time humbly serving your spouse? To serve others is to serve Christ; to serve Christ is certain joy.

6. Do not dwell on the faults of others. With regard to marriage, if I’m so fixed on the downfalls of others’ marriages, then I blind myself to the flaws in my own, allowing whatever flaws there are to sit stagnant or grow. No good.

7. Accept censures even if unmerited. Both of my older siblings have been married to their spouses for over 5 years and from those two wonderful marriages have come 10 beautiful babies. What is astonishing is that numerous strangers have audaciously and sarcastically commented to both my sister and sister-in-law, “You know what causes that, right?” or “Do you drive a bus??” Truly unmerited censures, most of the time, don’t deserve a response. If a response is necessary, it should be developed under the wing of Christian charity and presented with humility.

8. Give in to the will of others. Andrew wants the room arranged one way, I want it another; is it really worth getting into a battle of the wills? If such a little thing contributes to his happiness, then it should contribute to mine as well. Don’t misunderstand me here: I don’t mean that if anything makes him happy, then I should just submit to it, i.e. playing video games for 23 hours straight. Rather, as my friend Erin (Humble Handmaid) reminds her readers, don’t sweat the small stuff.