It was Sunday evening at 5:30 Mass. I skimmed the first and second readings beforehand, but didn’t get to the gospel. As Father began, I caught my breath and smiled.
The loaves and the fishes, one of my favorites.
I stood in the pew ready to soak it in: a gospel story that speaks to God making possible what man could never handle. 5,000 people hungry for food as well as for a sign from Jesus. And through giving Christ himself the humble plate of loaves and fish, what could never be enough is suddenly abundant to feed the multitude. Plus leftovers.
Don’t all the miracles of Christ show that he conquers every challenge? The Loaves & Fishes is my favorite because so often I feel that what I have to offer is more meager than than that young boy’s plate. With my soul tuned to the words of John, I listened wishing that I felt like I were enough. True, as a wife and mother, I offer the entirety of my being to my family and still feel like I come up short – don’t we all? but on this particular occasion, I trembled more at the thought of an upcoming series of talks I’m giving for our diocese. So Goes the World: Focusing on Family to Change Society.
Sounds beefy doesn’t it? Sounds hopeful and exciting. I pray it is. I do not feel worthy.
My eyes widened with fear standing there, Lord I want to feed them. I want them to eat it up. I want to transform them.
But honestly, those prayerful thoughts didn’t feel right. Too many “I wants.” No – he will feed them. He will transform.
In imitation of the young boy, I’ll give my simple offering, and the God of Wonders will do with it what he will. The truth is by myself I’m not worthy. I’m not enough.
Isn’t that fantastic? It totally takes the pressure off.
Alone I’m incapable of feeding a multitude. The loaves and fish weren’t enough; the crowds would have remained spiritually and physically hungry. But the plate was given to Jesus.
This is such a hopeful gospel because the obvious Star of the Show is not the food or the boy – it’s Jesus; just as my talks or even I alone am not the Star of my series.
Christ will take anything we give and use it beyond our wildest expectations. But we have to give. Even if the offering is a faint prayer of exhaustion, or a few words of spiritual lessons learned. Even if it’s the mess of the day or anxiety or physical pain. There has to be an offering, however modest, for there to be a miracle.
When we behave and think as though the world depends on us, it stresses us out. When we realize that all we are is that modest plate of loaves and fish, we’re finally able to see that Jesus will take us, bless us, break us, and use us. Then we will be able to serve in a heavenly capacity, with grace from God built upon our nature. And there will be peace.
This gospel has been and will be food for the rest of my daunting week. So my loaves and fish today are my patchwork – taking care of the three fellas and little lady, throwing a decent dinner together (fingers crossed!), and starting to plan what will be yet another humble offering – homeschooling our kindergartener this year.
It’s all impossible. But blessed and broken, entrusted to Christ, all will be as it should.
Beautiful! This is just what I needed to read today. Thank you!
“No – he will feed them. He will transform.”
Such true words. Prayers for you and your upcoming talks!
Her words spoke to me as well. I fumbled across this page tonight as I was searching for help to relate with other women of my Catholic faith. I feel like I’m constantly worrying about how I’m going to get this done or that. My husband even told me to slow down today. What I need to remember that every gift I’ve been given is because of Him and if I just take the time to pray, He will handle the stress!
It is amazingly freeing to stop thinking-focusing-worrying about yourself, to offer everything to Jesus, and to let Him make what He wants out of it all. And really, He’s the one who knows what “they” need anyway; we ourselves almost never truly do. But that little bit of fear we always may have about how we’re doing and wondering if it’s the right thing, or if it’s enough–that can keep us humble so we’re not thinking it was all about us, and didn’t we do it just right! Jesus wins, both ways. 😉
“Christ will take anything we give and use it beyond our wildest expectations. But we have to give.”
I NEEDED to hear this today, thank you. And my word for the year, GIVE. So another thank you.
So beautiful and true! Thank you for this encouraging reminder!