Guest Post: The Working Stay-at-Home Mama

By Alzbeta Volk – blogger, stay at home mama extraordinaire, and owner of Voboril Photography

I’ve always been an unfortunately talented procrastinator.  I can flit from project to project and take three times as long to get any of them done.  Parenthood very quickly shook me a little and informed me that I needed to lose this habit if I wanted to be both the parent and businesswoman I hoped to be.

When our first little one came along seven weeks early, she arrived early enough to completely change all our expectations about parenthood.  It’s unlikely we would have been prepared for what was coming anyway, but beginning parenthood with a month in the NICU and all that went along with that was daunting.  Around the time our Antonia turned two months old, I started easing back into my photography business, working from home during the week and shooting weddings and smaller shoots on the weekends when my husband could stay with our little one.  During busy times especially, I began to play a game of ping-pong guilt.  If I was snuggling my baby, I felt guilty about the work that needed to be done and even guiltier that I was thinking about work.  If I was working, I felt guilty that I wasn’t snuggling my baby, especially if I was having trouble staying on task and was being distracted by the Internet (a definite downside to having a job that requires so much time at the computer).

Something needed to change.

I wish I could say I’ve completely solved the issue in the nearly three years since my oldest was born, but I’m still, and always will be, a work in progress.  I did, however, come to the realization that there would be a lot less guilt in my life if I learned the art of being present.  I needed to learn that when I’m playing, reading, and feeding my now two girls, that that’s where I need to be rooted, both physically and mentally.  When I’m working, I need to be focused on the work at hand.  While I may need to balance coloring with my daughter and editing photos in the same space of time, I have to recognize that Facebook, blogs, and my other favorite time sucks can wait, some of them indefinitely.

Photo by Alzbeta Volk

When I really need to put things into perspective, I look at my little ones and remind myself that they’re growing and time doesn’t wait.  I have so little time with them just the way they are right now, as little as they are, and if nothing else, I need to soak that in and all else will fall into place.  I want to be able to save little moments to open like gifts to my self at a later time: the way Antonia’s voice is a sweet sing-song and her hands gesture when she tells stories and asks questions, how Colette’s sleepy newborn smiles fill me with more joy than I could imagine and how they both love to snuggle up to their daddy, fitting just so in his arms.

As I said, I’m still learning, still trying to put this into practice.  Sometimes that means telling my husband to unplug the internet on his way out the door in the morning or just turning the computer off entirely and shutting the door to that room as a visible reminder to myself that it’s time to be away from work.  Sometimes that means recognizing and naming my failures when I fail and not letting that be an excuse to continue failing.  I’m grateful that my husband and children are teaching me to live my life in a way that allows me to recognize and be that much more thankful for the blessings I’ve been given.