The boat by this time was[…]beaten by the waves; for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea.[…]28 And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, bid me come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus; 30 but when he saw the wind,[c] he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, “O man of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:25-31)
I’m on a Christ-lit path of self-discovery; taking inventory of myself – habits, vices, virtues, what makes me tick, what sends me crashing down – and trying to work beyond my usual M.O. to achieve sainthood. I had no idea until recently how much of my life is lived in fear. Fear of making someone mad. Fear of disappointing those people over there. Fear of being criticized. Fear of being second best (I know, I know…humility) or fear of being disregarded. I go between extremes of apologizing for living or trying to infuse myself with strength so much that I come off as maybe not very nice.
This is hard y’all. It’s hard to unearth weaknesses because I’d like think that I’ve got this Catholic life thing down. I’ll just sit right here in my pre-paradise perfection and dish out advice.
Facing myself, my fears, is a daunting challenge that a lot of the time leaves me feeling incapable – impossibly incapable; and I’m destined to do it the rest of my life.
Have you ever wanted to do something that you knew you just couldn’t? As in, it was without a doubt beyond your physical, spiritual, and/or mental capacity?
Me, too.
I love Saint Peter because in this story and in others, he reveals both the paralysis of fear and the power of trust. He is my anchor – totally my inspiration – because from there in the boat, he sees that Christ has mastered the unthinkable and the impossible by walking on water, and then asks Christ to command the same from him! “…if it is you, bid me to come…” For the sake of clarification, let’s note: It is in no human’s nature to be able to walk on what is not solid; Details schmetails, says Peter.
Jesus simply says, “Come,” and at once faith-filled, trusting Peter imitates Christ and does what no man can do on his own. And not only is he doing the impossible by grace, he’s doing it in tumultous circumstances, a storm raging around him.
We all have storms – some that let up, some that never stop – and like Elijah in Kings we cry out, “This is enough, O LORD!” When overcome by circumstance or my own storms, it’s tempting to sink into the boat and wait it out. Tell me when it’s over. Rarely do I think of going beyond survival mode to actually thrive when my soul is troubled, but like Saint Peter we can ask the Lord to make us capable of miraculous things, even amid impossibilities, and He will bless us. By Christ and like Christ, we will do the unimaginable.
The conclusion of the story is its moral: Ask the Lord, and act on His grace. it’s not enough to ask God to make possible what isn’t; we have to follow through in active faith, fixing our eyes on Him; otherwise what? We’ll sink out of fear, and Christ who pulls us through, will remind us there was never a reason to be afraid in the first place.
So receive the Eucharist.
Go to adoration (make friends with someone who will invite you to go, too – I have one of those)
Go to confession often.
Pray the Rosary.
Pray a Chaplet.
Talk to Jesus like He’s standing right there and get out of the boat.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; be not frightened, neither be dismayed; for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
Perfect timing. You could have been writing this about me. Fear……a lot of fear. It’s held me back for a long time. You hit home again with me. Thank you!
I’m glad, Janet!! Fear is such a terrible thing, but as I’m letting so I feel so much freer. Little bits at a time. You are such a faithful reader, Janet – I’m grateful for your support.
love this! especially the part about following through with active faith; it can be so easy to ask God for Him to work in a part of our lives and then… to do nothing! 😉 It’s like I’m waiting on Him, and He’s probably waitin’ on me — to have greater faith, to trust Him, to believe — to show Him all of those things.
to do nothing – YES. Goodness how many times do I ask God to help me and he sends a million aids my way while I wait for a miracle. Silly. I’m so glad you liked this, Annie. Thank you!
This reminds me so much of the song “Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)”. Truly one of my go to songs on days when I am struggling, and low and behold my students LOVE this song too! We get to do just what you did, and break down the meaning of the words. Truly, beautifully written, Katie. Thank you for sharing xx
Thanks, Em!! I’ll check out that song. St. Peter, I’m learning, is one of my favorite saints. He’s so hot and cold – “I’ll never deny you, Lord!!” …”Jesus who? Nah – I know a different Jesus.” So full of faith, then consumed by doubt. #beenthere and then Jesus made him pope!